Invisible Walls

I have never written a blog post before, so to be completely honest I don't really know what I'm doing. I've read that your first blog post should really hook the reader right out of the gate. You know what they say about first impressions and all. It should be captivating and profound, but also down-to-earth and relatable...and if at all possible it should be funny. I would love it if my blog were funny. I like to think I have a pretty good sense of humor in real life, but every time I try to write something funny it just feels super contrived or as my kids would say, "cringy" (except I think they stopped saying that a few months back) Anyway, I was hoping that once I finally put aside the time to write, that inspiration would just strike. But the only thing showing up at the moment is my snarky inner critic; and sadly she isn't offering much in the way of humor. She's more into telling scary stories that paralyze me with fear.

I really wanted to come up with a dazzling concept that checked all of the above mentioned boxes for you as my reader. Unfortunately, no such idea is presenting itself. So in its absence, I will do what I do best. I will analyze the process that is taking place just below the surface. In other words, I will take a closer look at what it means to be stuck (as I appear to be right now). I'll examine the nuances of stuckness and see if going deeper into it can help me find my way through it.

Often, when we bump up against something hard, or challenging, or painful in our lives, our natural instinct is to retreat from it - to pull back, to give up, to numb, to convince ourselves that we aren't good enough, or that we never wanted it anyway. This is a pattern I know so well. I would imagine that in some aspect of your life this place is familiar to you too - maybe it's physical challenges, maybe it's relationships, maybe it's parenting, maybe it's that secret dream you are holding onto, but just can't seem to make a reality. It can be anything that challenges you in a way that makes you feel like there is no way to make forward progress. To me this kind of stuckness feels like hitting an invisible wall.

In the past, I used to get discouraged by these walls, curse their existence, throw a tantrum about how unfair life was, and then ultimately allow them to turn me back around to the well traversed direction from which I came. For a long time I interpreted these walls (aka: stuckness, challenges, pain, struggle) to be a big F you from the universe. I thought they were proof that the good things that other "more worthy" people were able to achieve, simply weren't meant for me. I believed this because these roadblocks always seemed to show up just when things were going really well, or when I was super excited about something, or when I wanted to try something new.

In recent years I've come to realize that these walls are not meant to be a middle finger from a spiteful universe. They are a protective measure designed by our ego ( and sympathetic nervous system) to keep us safe. These walls show up when we have reached the edge of our comfort zone. Their function is to keep us from falling off the cliff into the uncharted territory of the scary unknown.

So what do we do when we hit these walls in our lives? I know the old me would have tried to write this blog post and because I was excited and passionate about connecting with you as my reader, I would have had so much forward momentum going at the start. But then, the inevitable wall would pop up (seemingly out of nowhere) and I would slam face first, directly into it - coming to a screeching halt. Chances are I would have interpreted it as a dead end and proof of my incompetence. Then I would begrudgingly close my laptop and return back to my safe and familiar comfort zone. Luckily, I know now that these walls don't have to be a dead end. We just need to learn how to walk through them.

This whole concept is relatively new to me, but I'll tell you what I know so far. The first step is to expect and detect these walls. By this I mean you have to know that every time you are teetering on that edge in your life, between taking the familiar path or exploring new terrain, you will encounter a wall. You can expect it to come right at the peak of your excitement for something new and unexplored. As you approach the wall you will encounter the guard at the gate. The guard is fear. Fear's job is to protect you, so it will use every shameless tactic to keep you from going beyond the wall. Mine usually says things like "You are going to fail. No one will like you. You are taking up too much room. What will people say? You will look stupid. You will be misunderstood. Stay small, it's safer. You will be abandoned." What does the guard at your gate say? It's important that you pay attention to it because knowing it's patterns is what will help you disarm it.

Once you recognize that you are at the gate of a wall (aka: a point in your life where you would typically stop forward progress and turn around) all you have to do is stare fear directly in the face and say "Thank you, I hear your warnings and I intend to proceed anyway". The beautiful thing is that when you resist turning around, you will realize that the wall was just a mirage all along. The only thing left to do is walk right through. I can't guarantee what will happen when you do, but I can tell you from where I'm standing, it's completely worth it! I would love to see you on the other side.